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Hello these are my notes and takeways from reading Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People book.

• Principle 1 - Don't Criticize, Condemn, or Complain - I really loved the part about always complimenting and never criticizing. In general, pointing fingers at others for their errors seldom helps; instead, it enrages or offends them. They can learn from their mistakes without needing to be reprimanded if you give them praise and offer an alternative to what they're doing.

• People are flawed creatures, but it really is good to let people learn from their mistakes, rather then simply resort to insults.

• Principle 2 - Give Honest and Sincere Appreciation - Carnegie shows how important it is show someone as much gratitude as possible. The other thing to note is that nearly all humans can tell the difference between flattery and genuine appreciation. Flattery is always fake, and comes with a sneaky demeanor, it has no effect on the person. Appreciation is real, wholesome, and comes from a place of kindness.

• Carnegie is aware that human beings crave appreciation, however little it may be, the pragmatic method of giving an employee, friend, or family member what they want can be the key for them to unlock their potential and having them respect you more.

• Principle 3 - Arouse in the other Person an Eager Want - I learned that a lot that getting the other person to do what you want or simply influence them involves seeing things from the other persons perspective. It's good to appeal to their self interest, it's not about what's good for you, it's about what's good for them. Show the benefit upfront, what good will come to them by helping you?

• My favorite aspect of this approach is that avoids the possibility of coming across as selfish or manipulative. If something is good for the other person, what's the moral issue with persuading them then? There's a story Dale Carnegie mentions (it might be in this chapter), of an air conditioner salesman, who wants to sell to a storeowner with a 30 year old A.C. unit.

• I believe the storeowner is known to be stubborn and has no interest of spending money on a new A.C. unit. So instead of just stupidly trying to push him, he instead informs the storeowner that if the old A.C. unit stops working on a hot day, the customers would get mad and leave. It would actually beneficial for both of them if that store had a new A.C. unit. The storeowner was convinced and bought a new A.C. unit, both sides were satisfied but only because the salesmen looked at things from the perspective of the other person.

Hello these are my notes and takeways from reading Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People book.

• Principle 1 - Become Genuinely Interested in other People - Sometimes, being a good friend or having casual conversations can really help at making people like you. If you're having a meeting with an important person that you want to influence, it might be good to actually just do research about them, what do they like to do in their spare time? A special hobby? A pet peeve only they can relate to? This kind of information can sometimes get you further than you think.

Take for example Carnegie's example; (Page 63) Mr. Waters, an owner of one of a large bank in New York was assigned to prepare a confidential report on a certain corporation's president. He heard the president talking to his about his deep interest in stamps and wanting to get some for his son. So Mr. Waters called on this men and sent in word that he had stamps for the president's kid. They both talked for half an hour about stamps, and without even suggesting it, the president told Mr. Waters everything he knew.

Notice how Mr. Waters didn't just go in and tell the president what he wanted, he's a busy man, so why would he feel the need to just talk to someone for scoop? Instead he decided to listen and hear about what the other person is like, and get to know him to stright up a casual conversation. That way, the president can feel more comfortable and genuinely feel like he's making a new friend that is interested in him. Ask yourself, did you ever think to get to know the other person beyond your mission?

• Principle 2 - Smile This one is self-explanatory, just smile. It doesn't cost anything, it enriches those who receive it, and it happens in the flash of a memory, but can sometimes last forever. It sounds silly for Carnegie to have this be a part of the book, as it seems incredibly mundane. Though it's important to ask yourself this - do you feel more comfortable someone who smiles or frowns at you? A good smile can instantly make the other person happier. It's not just in person, many salesmen on the phone try to put on a friendly face, a jovial tone, it serves as a smile for your personality.

In Carnegie's example (Pages 72-73), Mr. Steinhardt, a New York Stockbroker, said that he rarely smiled at his wife or spoke much to her until he was ready to leave for business, a real grouch. But then when he took Carnegie's advice, he started to smile all the time, not just to his wife, but to his cashier, doorman, everybody. In just two months, Steinhardt noticed that he felt a lot happier. He noticed that everyone started to smile back at him too, his personality had become more cheerful, and people could tell. "I am a totally different man, a richer man, richer in friendships and happiness—the only things that matter much after all."

On a personal level, I've taken to smiling every chance I get this whole year. I find myself feeling more comfortable around people even though I still get nervous. But I easily notice how people seem nicer, it's fun smiling at people and makes me happy. I feel less jaded, I get a happier impression on others because smiling breaks down their guard. I'm very glad that I smile more now, that alone makes me feel like a better and happier person. This might be one of the best decisions that I've made in 2025 and it didn't cost me anything.

• Principle 3 - Remember that a Person's Name is to that Person the Sweetest and most Important Sound in any Language - Everyone knows their own name, and they love it when someone says it. It's not just saying their name, it's a strong gesture of kindness to both remember it, but to also learn how to pronounce it correctly. Calling someone by their name shows that you remember and appreciate them, it'll instantly get their attention and maybe even brighten their day.

• Principle 4 - Be a Good Listener. Encourage Other to Talk about Themselves - Listening to people is everything sometimes, people like talking about themselves and their problems. They don't always want to hear about you. "Remember that the people you are talking to are a hundred times more interested in themselves and their wants and problems than they are in your problems."

In Carnegie's example (Pages 89-90), he recounts a story in which a department store in Chicago almost lost a regular customer who spent thousands of dollars because a salesclerk wouldn't listen. Henrietta Douglas bought a coat at a special sale, but then realized that the coat had a tear in the lining. She then went back to the store in which the clerk said that "all sales are final", the clerk wouldn't listen even though the merchandise was damaged. Henrietta was so mad that she walked out of the store, ready to never come back again, until she came across the store manager, who she was good friends with. The store manager listened attentively and understood the situation from Henrietta's perspective, responding, "Special sales are 'final' so we can dispose of the merchandise at the end of the season. But this 'no return' policy does not apply to damaged goods. We will certainly repair or replace the lining, or if you prefer, give your money back." What can be learned from this situtation? Listening to another person's story is an important life skill. That department store could have lost a valuable customer from one rude employee's behavior by not caring about the needs of the customer. The store manager made the right decision by listening and accepting the fact that some stores can make mistakes in having damaged merchandise and satisfying the needs of Henrietta rather than himself.

Carnegie gives several other examples in which he just lets the other person talk for hours about their interests or struggles in life, and it ends up with the other person trusting Carnegie more, without him having to even say a word. Some people just like having someone to express their feelings toward, and being able to provide that will make their day happier. I've learned that it's not always that beneficial talk about yourself constantly, I used to do that too much. People love talking about themselves, so let them do that if you want them to be more comfortable around you.

• Principle 5 - Talk in Terms of the Other Person's Interests - This is one very simple, talk about the other person's interest, it will always make them more comfortable. There's an element of mutuality because if you hear about someone's interests long enough, you'll likely find something that you'll like which could result in a great relationship. You could easily find a new passion from hearing another person talking about their passion. I've had moments in my life where someone talks about a favorite hobby of theirs, I give it a try and end up loving it myself, we really don't know what we'll like until we give it a try. Carnegie likely knew how fickle people are that sometimes, just listening to one's interest can create a postive effect. There are people out there in high positions that barely have any real friends and have to content with employees who pretend to care about their interests. Being that one person who truly takes in interest in others can easily brighten someone's day.

• Principle 6 - Make the other person feel important—and do it sincerely - Always make the other person feel important, everyone wants to feel important, Carnegie quotes William James, "The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated." One of my professors always said that we're the main character in our lives, through every relationship, every struggle, every job, it revolves around us more than anything. It's good to acknowledge other people's struggles and interests in their own lives and know that they're not invisible.

• Principle 1 - The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it - Carnegie quotes Buddha, "hatred is never ended by hate but by love". Nothing comes from starting arguments with people, if even the other person is obviously wrong. In one of Carnegie's stories, he recounts a situation in which he corrected a storyteller who made an obvious mistake, which resulted in making the storyteller uncomfortable.

This really resonates with me because I used to be very confrontational towards people, always trying to correct or discover people's contradictions. Did any of these people seriously change their minds? Did they thank me for my behavior? No. They felt annoyed and wanted me to stop. It's possible for someone to fix their mistake, but starting an argument only causes more problems.

Obviously there are many situations in which someone is making a big mistake and you might have to find a way to correct them. So this is what Carnegie suggests: (Pages 126-128)

Welcome the disagreement - "Remember the slogan, 'When two partners argree, one of them is not necessary.' If there is some point you haven't thought about, be thankful it is brought to your attention. Perhaps this disagreement is your opportunity to be correct before you make a series of mistakes."

Distrust your first instictive impresson -"Our first natural reaction in a dissagreeable situation is to be defensive. Be careful. Keep calm and watch out for your first reaction. It may be you at your worst, not your best."

Control your tempter -"Remember, you can measure the size of a person by what makes him or her angry."

Listen first -"Give your opponents a chance to talk. Let them finish. Do not resist, defend, or debate. This only raises barriers. Try ot build bridges of understanding. Don't build higher barriers of misunderstanding."

Look for areas of agreement -"When you have hear your opponents out, dwell frist on the points and areas on which you agree."

Be honest -"Look for areas where you can admit error and say so. Apologize for your mistakes. It will help disarm your opponents and reduce defensiveness."

Promise to think over your opponents' idas and study them carefully -"And mean it. Your opponents may be right. Is is a lot easier at this stage to agree to think about their points than to move rapidly ahead and find yourself in a position where your opponents can say, 'We tried to tell you, but you wouldn't listen.'"

Thank your opponents sincerely for their interest -"Anyone who takes the time to disagree with you is interested in the same things you are. Think of them as people who really want to help you, and you may turn your opponents into friends."

Postpone action to give both sides time to think through the problem -"Suggest that another meeing be held later that day or the next day, when all the facts may be brought to bear. In preparation for this meeting, ask yourself some hard question:"

Could my opponents be right?-"Partly right? Is there truth or merit in their position or argument? Is my reaction one that will relieve the problem or will it just relieve any frustration? Will my reaction elevate the escalation good people have of me? Will I win or lose? What price will I have to pay if I win? If I win or lose? What price will I have to pay if I win? If I am quiet about it, will the disagreement blow over? Is this difficult situation an opportunity for me?"

• Principle 2 - Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say, "you're wrong" - Carnegie points out a good question, "You can tell people they are wrong by a look or an intonation or a gesture just as eloquently as you can in words—andif you tell them they are wrong, do you make them want t agree with you? Never! For you have struck a direct blow at their intelligence, judgement, pride, and self-respect. That will make them strike back." (Page 129) This is one of those things that people never think about until it's pointed out. Obviously there are many moments in our life when a mistake frequently made by another person might be so irksome to us that we would be tempted to correct them. Certainly if it's a life-or-death situation, then a correction is immediately needed, but in almost all cases, you never want to insult someone's intelligence. Sometimes letting a person learn from their own mistakes can eventually lead to their success. Carnegie suggests to use diplomacy and let the other person talk, which could let them realize the errors that they're committing.

• Principle 3 - If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically - It's always good to be humble and that's the main focus of this chapter, to know how to win people over gently. The other point is to be self-aware that we are capable of being wrong, even if the other person is making a mistake as well. If you admit that you're wrong about something, your opponent will likely lower their guard and be more comfortable.

• Principle 4 - Begin in a friendly way - Impressions are everything, and if you come up at people with your fists raised, nothing good will come from it. Being friedly is one of the kindest aspects to a great personality and it will certainly help in people liking you.

• Principle 5 - Get the other person saying "yes, yes" immediately - This is a great tactic in persuation, the "yes, yes" method. It's very simple, ask the other person a question that they will agree with, that will almost always end with them saying "yes", do it twice, and their guard goes down and will see things from your perspective. Instead of using on of Carnegie's examples, I'll make up one of my own.

So let's say I'm convincing storeowner to purchase a door from my company, but he's seemingly content with the fact that his door is severely worn out. He also says that he gets very cold often from a breeze coming from the door during the winter. Instead of just telling him to buy my door because it'll make me money or telling him to buy the new door simply because it's prettier looking, I'll use the "yes, yes" method. I ask, "I know you mention how that breeze from the door gets to you a lot doesn't it?" The storeowner says, "yes". I respond, "I'm sure that it also bothers the customers, especially the one's who are sick or sensitive to the cold right?" The storeowner once again says, "yes. I end my argument with this, "Well then it's worth pointing out that even if you're able to tolerate the strong breeze, it could certaintly mess with the customers and possibly convince them to take their business elsewhere." With that being said, the storeowner thinks it over and considers buying one of my doors, the next week, he calls to get it replaced after he notices how uncomfortable some of his regular customers are getting from that breeze.

There you have it, I persuaded someone to buy the door, without being overly direct because I got him to agree on two similar points. Him buying the new door benefits the both of us. That's the appeal of the "yes, yes" method, getting people to see common ground.

• Principle 6 - Let the other person do a great deal of the talking - In other sections, it's already been established that people love talking about themselves, and it's not really a bad thing at all. Carnegie emphasis in this chapter about how life is short and that even people who appreciate you will love to talk about their accomplishments more than anything. So why not listen to them for much of the time? It shows that you're a good listener, and from the previous chapters I've read, I've noticed that even the top executives at a corporation can struggle to find just one person who will listen to them in an honest way. Carnegie says, "We ought to be modest, for both you and I will pass on and be completely forgotten a century from now. Life is too short to bore other people with talk of our petty accomplishments. Let's encourage them to talk instead. So if we want to win people to our way of thinking, [Let the other person do a great deal of the talking]. (Page 170)

• Principle 7 - Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers - This chapter involves Carnegie emphasizing that no one likes to feel like they're being sold something (similar to the concept of the "yes, yes method"). But he does think that it helps when you come across more like a consulting, offering some advice but generally letting the other person make their own decisions. You simply give them some useful information, and then the other person says they solved the problem, no need for you to take the credit. The other person will be happy about their success, likely thanking you for their help, and you never needed for you to be pushy about it.

• Principle 8 - Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view - I feel as though doing this is very hard for most people, since we're all the main characters of our lives that we think how we live our lives is the best way. But we all have different life experiences and perspectives, so why not consider that when talking to someone else? If you're selling something to someone, think about what the customer would want to do. (Page 182) Seeing things from their eyes will ease tension for everyone.

• Principle 9 - Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires - What your friend wants might not be the same thing that you want in life. It may not always make sense with you but it means a lot to the other person and it's worth the appreciation. That's the meaning that I take from this section. Even if the other person is critical of you, if you acknowledge and see why they're critical of you, they may change their mind. (Page 185).

• Principle 10 - Appeal to nobler motives - This one very self-explanatory, when one meets a person with a noble motive, they're very comfortable around them. There's certainly a debate that can be made about how much your motive is made to benefit you vs the other person, depending on situation. However, at the end of the day, influencing someone heavily involves the other person being feeling relaxed while talking to you, so why not let them know that you have good noble motives?

• Principle 11 - Dramatize your ideas - Now this seems somewhat contradictory to the previous section, to have noble motives, while dramatizing your words. Although, as Carnegie states, "Too much talk is tiresome. It is ineffective. People like action, dramatic action."(Page 198) This works really well in a modern context, so think of this; if you had an easy way to make a cartoon in 5 minutes to show a bunch of people why they should buy your floor tiles, would it help get your point across more or less than dryly explaining it for 20 minutes? As Carnegie states, "The truth has to be made vivid, interesting, dramatic. You have to use your showmanship. The movies do it. Advertisers do it. And you will have to do it if you want attention." (Page 198)

• Principle 12 - Throw down a challenge - Talking to people is in many ways a challenge, it can be tough to deal with others and get to know them well. It's a challenge as well, and Carnegie claims that it's good to view it that way. There's a goal that you have to reach and it's human nature to want to achieve something. While people's lives are certainly not a game, we all want to get what we want and sometimes changing your own perspective can change everything.

• Principle 1 - Begin with praise and honest appreciation - Compliments are an amazing thing to hand out and receive, it shows that you value the other person and their time. Carngie also views it as having immediate confidence in another person, something that only a few people would be offended at.

• Principle 2 - Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly - I've definitely noticed much of Carnegie's advice resonably advoctaes an aversion to overtly confrontational behavior towards others. This is something that I support since confrontational methods can often just lead to an aggressive response from the other person and doesn't acheive anything. Though Carnegie is aware that calling attention to a mistake is still necessary for improvement, which is why he suggests a less confrontational approach. Make small remarks that subtly allude to the error that someone is making. If you're working at a warehouse stocking boxes and your co-worker has his wedding ring on, which isn't allowed as it's considered jewelry, don't tell him to take it off because he may think you're being disrespectful. Instead, compliment the fact that he's married and let him know that you wouldn't want him to lose the wedding ring in any of those boxes. He will probably instinctively be tempted to put the ring away, thus benefiting the both of you. Easy non-confrontational way to persuade someone and show that you care.

• Principle 3 - Talk about your own mistakes before criticizng the other person - Going back to the topic of humility, even in instances of conflic, showing that you have made mistakes can easily resolve tension. No one likes a guy with a massive ego who thinks they're perfect, admitting your faults, no matter how small they can be is a very respectable trait to have.

• Principle 4 - Ask questions instead of giving direct orders - Asking questions can really help break barriers and show genuine curiousity. Carnegie states that if a leader asks questions to their crew, the crew feels like they are playing a huge hand in the work. It's interactive, friendly, and avoids conflict when one is showing interest.

• Principle 5 - Let the other person save face - This one is very simple, Carngie states, "Let every person save face. Even if we are right and the other person is definitely wrong, we only destroy ego by causing someone to lose face." (Page 229) Just as you desire respect and dignity, everyone else deserves that as well.

• Principle 6 - Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be "hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise" - Carnegie says, "Abilities wither under criticism; they blossom under encouragement." (Page 235) I resonate with this one because it's true that people don't immediately improve overnight or even within a week, it can take some time, but small improvements can show quickly. That's why it's good to show someone's progress, no one has ever changed from a beginner to an expert immediately. The long journey is something is something that deserves compliments, especially if the person is putting as much effort as possible.

• Principle 7 - Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to - This one is true and has many opportunities for fun interactions in a way. if you're the boss of a company and your account gets the work done fast, if you call him the "speedster", he will enjoy that reputation as a fast worker and won't want to break that. Giving someone this sort of reputation is a great way to encourage improvement without offending them.

• Principle 8 - Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct - There's a lot of skills to develop that look difficult, but are easier if someone is able to show you how. Not everyone is able to pick up things easily, especially when the instructions appear so long and complicated, some things are more accessible depending on how it's presented. (Page 246)

• Principle 9 - Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest - I feel like this piece of advice holds up well now that we live in a world built on entertainment. There's a lot of people who will suggest a book, movie, or show, and rather than just saying you'll check it out, it's good to really thank them for suggesting it. They're reccomending a piece of work that may end up entertaining you greatly, it's more than worth the praise. In the workplace context, if you're the boss of a company suggests something that could help your company, it's useful to listen to them and appreciate that they have your best interests in mind.