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Hello these are my notes and takeways from reading Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People book.

• Principle 1 - Don't Criticize, Condemn, or Complain - I really loved the part about always complimenting and never criticizing. In general, pointing fingers at others for their errors seldom helps; instead, it enrages or offends them. They can learn from their mistakes without needing to be reprimanded if you give them praise and offer an alternative to what they're doing.

• People are flawed creatures, but it really is good to let people learn from their mistakes, rather then simply resort to insults.

• Principle 2 - Give Honest and Sincere Appreciation - Carnegie shows how important it is show someone as much gratitude as possible. The other thing to note is that nearly all humans can tell the difference between flattery and genuine appreciation. Flattery is always fake, and comes with a sneaky demeanor, it has no effect on the person. Appreciation is real, wholesome, and comes from a place of kindness.

• Carnegie is aware that human beings crave appreciation, however little it may be, the pragmatic method of giving an employee, friend, or family member what they want can be the key for them to unlock their potential and having them respect you more.

• Principle 3 - Arouse in the other Person an Eager Want - I learned that a lot that getting the other person to do what you want or simply influence them involves seeing things from the other persons perspective. It's good to appeal to their self interest, it's not about what's good for you, it's about what's good for them. Show the benefit upfront, what good will come to them by helping you?

• My favorite aspect of this approach is that avoids the possibility of coming across as selfish or manipulative. If something is good for the other person, what's the moral issue with persuading them then? There's a story Dale Carnegie mentions (it might be in this chapter), of an air conditioner salesman, who wants to sell to a storeowner with a 30 year old A.C. unit.

• I believe the storeowner is known to be stubborn and has no interest of spending money on a new A.C. unit. So instead of just stupidly trying to push him, he instead informs the storeowner that if the old A.C. unit stops working on a hot day, the customers would get mad and leave. It would actually beneficial for both of them if that store had a new A.C. unit. The storeowner was convinced and bought a new A.C. unit, both sides were satisfied but only because the salesmen looked at things from the perspective of the other person.

Hello these are my notes and takeways from reading Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People book.

• Principle 1 - Become Genuinely Interested in other People - Sometimes, being a good friend or having casual conversations can really help at making people like you. If you're having a meeting with an important person that you want to influence, it might be good to actually just do research about them, what do they like to do in their spare time? A special hobby? A pet peeve only they can relate to? This kind of information can sometimes get you further than you think.

Take for example Carnegie's example; (Page 63) Mr. Waters, an owner of one of a large bank in New York was assigned to prepare a confidential report on a certain corporation's president. He heard the president talking to his about his deep interest in stamps and wanting to get some for his son. So Mr. Waters called on this men and sent in word that he had stamps for the president's kid. They both talked for half an hour about stamps, and without even suggesting it, the president told Mr. Waters everything he knew.

Notice how Mr. Waters didn't just go in and tell the president what he wanted, he's a busy man, so why would he feel the need to just talk to someone for scoop? Instead he decided to listen and hear about what the other person is like, and get to know him to stright up a casual conversation. That way, the president can feel more comfortable and genuinely feel like he's making a new friend that is interested in him. Ask yourself, did you ever think to get to know the other person beyond your mission?

• Principle 2 - Smile This one is self-explanatory, just smile. It doesn't cost anything, it enriches those who receive it, and it happens in the flash of a memory, but can sometimes last forever. It sounds silly for Carnegie to have this be a part of the book, as it seems incredibly mundane. Though it's important to ask yourself this - do you feel more comfortable someone who smiles or frowns at you? A good smile can instantly make the other person happier. It's not just in person, many salesmen on the phone try to put on a friendly face, a jovial tone, it serves as a smile for your personality.

In Carnegie's example (Pages 72-73), Mr. Steinhardt, a New York Stockbroker, said that he rarely smiled at his wife or spoke much to her until he was ready to leave for business, a real grouch. But then when he took Carnegie's advice, he started to smile all the time, not just to his wife, but to his cashier, doorman, everybody. In just two months, Steinhardt noticed that he felt a lot happier. He noticed that everyone started to smile back at him too, his personality had become more cheerful, and people could tell. "I am a totally different man, a richer man, richer in friendships and happiness—the only things that matter much after all."

On a personal level, I've taken to smiling every chance I get this whole year. I find myself feeling more comfortable around people even though I still get nervous. But I easily notice how people seem nicer, it's fun smiling at people and makes me happy. I feel less jaded, I get a happier impression on others because smiling breaks down their guard. I'm very glad that I smile more now, that alone makes me feel like a better and happier person. This might be one of the best decisions that I've made in 2025 and it didn't cost me anything.

• Principle 3 - Remember that a Person's Name is to that Person the Sweetest and most Important Sound in any Language - Everyone knows their own name, and they love it when someone says it. It's not just saying their name, it's a strong gesture of kindness to both remember it, but to also learn how to pronounce it correctly. Calling someone by their name shows that you remember and appreciate them, it'll instantly get their attention and maybe even brighten their day.

• Principle 4 - Be a Good Listener. Encourage Other to Talk about Themselves - Listening to people is everything sometimes, people like talking about themselves and their problems. They don't always want to hear about you. "Remember that the people you are talking to are a hundred times more interested in themselves and their wants and problems than they are in your problems."

In Carnegie's example (Pages 89-90), he recounts a story in which a department store in Chicago almost lost a regular customer who spent thousands of dollars because a salesclerk wouldn't listen. Henrietta Douglas bought a coat at a special sale, but then realized that the coat had a tear in the lining. She then went back to the store in which the clerk said that "all sales are final", the clerk wouldn't listen even though the merchandise was damaged. Henrietta was so mad that she walked out of the store, ready to never come back again, until she came across the store manager, who she was good friends with. The store manager listened attentively and understood the situation from Henrietta's perspective, responding, "Special sales are 'final' so we can dispose of the merchandise at the end of the season. But this 'no return' policy does not apply to damaged goods. We will certainly repair or replace the lining, or if you prefer, give your money back."